Relationship is a healing practice
Relationship is a healing practice. Our being together may have a far deeper meaning than we realize. It brings our character flaws and unresolved issues clearly into focus and encourages us to perfect ourselves. Our interactions with others, especially others with whom we are close, act as a magnifying glass and a magnet for the beliefs, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors we attach to so closely they become invisible. If we “bend over backward,” “walk on eggshells,” or “refuse to rock the boat,” we compromise ourselves and prevent true communion. This keeps us, as well as the other person, stuck, and it precludes any sense of separation or detachment. Therefore, if I am not separate from you and you are not separate from me, neither of us has room to breathe. It is not coincidental that we use the words “You take my breath away” when we are overwhelmed with deep feelings for another person. 
Being in a loving relationship is a gift as well as a practice. It is about more than the obvious issues of romance, attraction, comfort, and security. Loving relationships allow you to experience life in a way that may not always be without pain yet can offer the opportunity to polish the gemstone of your nature. When asthma symptoms arise, whether they manifest as your own or a family member’s, they provide opportunities to make the necessary healing changes.
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The following imagery exercise is one that gives you a chance to Focus on and nurture your primary relationship — the one with yourself, which so deeply affects the ones you have with others. If you choose, you may use this exercise to begin the day for the next 21 days.
Some people find it difficult to hug themselves in adult form. They reduce themselves to child size. They use images of their children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews instead. If it’s this difficult to love ourselves in our imagination, where anything is possible, it makes sense that it would be even more difficult in our everyday lives. Since joy is the primary mind medicine to open and heal the lungs, and love is so deeply related to joy, it’s not hard to see the importance of making a correction. You might ask yourself: What beliefs do I have that prevent me from loving myself as I am? Do I deserve affection? Am I worth it?
The first time Nick, a sixty-five-year-old retiree with acute asthmatic symptoms, tried to imagine he was hugging himself, he found it impossible. Instead, he hugged his grandson. Later, he realized he had skipped a generation by passing over his son; even that felt too close. At the end of 21 days, however, the process of imagery had worked its magic; Nick was able to imaginally hold his face in his hands quite tenderly. He explained how doing this gave him a feeling of warmth that he had missed as a child and had feared as an adult. When Nick stayed with his discomfort, not complaining or judging it, it became an act of healing. If you feel as Nick did, that hugging yourself is awkward and uncomfortable, the key is not to run away but to turn toward thediscomfort and embrace it. You can do this by continuing to practice this exercise. Whatever disturbance you experience is a signal that treating yourself in a loving way is just the kind of mind medicine you need.